I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
