She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize