I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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