i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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