He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
