honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
