dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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