I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
