Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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