i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
