Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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