Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
