if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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