she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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