He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
