She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize