I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
