you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
