I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
