Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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