Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
