I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
