Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
