I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
