he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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