WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
