no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
