I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
