Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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