I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just had sex bonerless
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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