Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Never let your siblings swipe right.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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