"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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