So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
last night I used snow as a chaser
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
