shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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