I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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