I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
