I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
In America we eat man semen.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just invented taco cereal.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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