i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
