her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
