how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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