my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
