I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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