If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
