need another drink. this is the easiest way
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
