I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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