if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
