How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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