i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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