Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize