Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she looked like the before picture.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
