im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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