Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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