New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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