How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Randomize
