just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
