I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
