i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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