he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
