she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize