All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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