her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
