I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I didn't notice because vodka
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
