It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
