no, he came in my armpit
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
