Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
