sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
