I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
