the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
