I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
