He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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