so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
