sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
