2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We left the knife in your bed.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
