Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
