every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
