i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
