u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize