His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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