is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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