you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
