She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
