Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
