I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
