The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
