Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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