Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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