Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
