Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
