I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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