your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
