1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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