Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
