the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
