I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize