I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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