He felt like a one man threesome
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
