Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is Oprah even human
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
