Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
