im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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