bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
