literally had 100 drinks last night.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
