using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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