She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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