wakey wakey hands off snakey
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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