Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
