HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
