i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
