whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize