i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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