Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
