i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
