We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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