Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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