i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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