You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
