I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
