There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
