I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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