She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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