I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
